hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
