The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
