last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
