Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
