Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
