I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
