I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
