I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
