Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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