Having a random hookup so left but love u
i think my mom watched the whole time
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
