do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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