I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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