I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
