I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
