If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
