You smell like a Billy Joel song
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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