Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
