I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
