Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize