Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
