Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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