she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
