Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
