you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
