I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
