i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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