im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
okay pat passed out under dana's car
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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