he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize