i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
