I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
