i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
