I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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