friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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