mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I yelled at your uterus for you.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
