Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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