I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
His nipple licking is glorious
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