I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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