Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
