Too much gin, very little bucket
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
