Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
