overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
