Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
