I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
