Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
