I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
