Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
