I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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