Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
