i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My penis needs a shock collar
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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