PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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