i jhust puked up my retainher.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
