I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
