You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize