I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
