I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Dear god my vagina.
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