he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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