Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
