let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
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