Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
