the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize