So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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