I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
