M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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