He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
