Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
