just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
